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The following is a transcript of an actual interview between Poker Beat Writer Carse and Internet Donk @Street3. This interview took place face to face September 22, 2009. Much like @Street3 himself, this interview is raw and unedited.

Carse: First I want to thank @Street3 for taking the time out of his busy schedule to sit down with me for this interview. (Ed. Note, Street3 is currently unemployed and NOT busy, ever)

@Street3: Meh, no worries.

Carse: I have to ask this, why Street3, is that birth name, nickname, what?

@Street3: It’s my Twitter handle and just so you know, unless you put the “@” in front of Street3, I cannot hear you, lucky for you I was paying attention.

Carse: Okay, okay. Well Street3, when did you first start playing NLHE?

@Street3: Zzzzzzzzzz…..

Carse: Oops, I mean @Street3 when did you first start playing NLHE?

@Street3: Let’s see, I moved to Tulsa in 2007 and didn’t play until I moved here, so I would guess sometime in 2007. Really I was introduced to online poker by @MikeBLester and I loved it. Thanks, Mike, I am now thousands of dollars in the hole thanks to you, ass.

Carse: Ha. I can see by the TPT and TPTE leaderboards that you are doing well in one, but not the other. Why is that?

@Street3: Well the TPTE was started so the European players could have play at a time more suited for them. And although I am not European, I was able to play because I lost my job and could make the 1 PM start time. The TPTE usually fields an impressive 9/10 players each week, whereas the TPT averages 30, which means, obliviously, the TPT is full of donks.

Carse: Funny you say that since most people call you a donk and a weak player.

@Street3: Bah, “Donk” is a term poker players use when they overplay their hands and lose to an inferior starting hand. For example, you raise AK suited and I call with KJo and flop comes J high and I call down and win. Of course, they will say, “YOU CALLED A RAISE WITH KJo, YOU EFFIN DONK.” To which I say, “Oh sorry, didn’t know I was only allowed to playe AA, AK, KK, QQ.” After much silence, they usually come back with an “LOL I just looked up your stats, your ROI is horrible.” To this I just shake my head.

Carse: Um. Ok. Well do you play live poker or just online?

@Street3: I play live home games, usually once every two weeks and play some small tournaments at the casino. In fact, I have final tabled every home game I have played and 3 of the 5 live tournaments, with 2 casino cashes. (Ed. Note: After research, the home games @Street3 plays have never had more than 9 players, so of course, he FT’d all of them. Noob.).

Carse: Are you the best player never to have won the TPT?

@Street3: I am the best player the TPT has ever or will ever see. (Ed. Note: Poker Pro Andy Bloch has played a TPT event).

Carse: What about Andy Bloch, he played, are you better than him?

@Street3: Yes, here is proof: @street3’s proof.  I also KO’d *does air quotes* Pro Matt Sexton, again here is proof: more proof.

Carse: LOL, impressive (Ed. Note: NOT IMPRESSIVE). Okay, so you got lucky once. Do you plan on making a…*snickers*… career of playing poker?

@Street3: Naw man, although I am good enough to turn pro, I would rather be a 9-5 guy, work for the man, really make a difference in this world.

Carse: Are you high?

@Street3: Yes

Carse: Oooooooookay. Well, I know you have a TPT event coming up later this week, so I’ll conclude this interview and wish you luck. Thanks for your time!

@Street3: I like turtles.

Carse: *Slowly backs away, turns and runs*